For my first post, I just want to give some background information. Where I am, how I came to be here, and where I think I'm going. I'll try to keep it short, but I make no guarantees.
The physical part of this journey began about 7 years ago, when I hit my highest weight. I won't go into all of the gory details, but suffice it to say that my weight, physical fitness and overall health have been in flux for a large part of my adult life. About a year ago, I heard of CrossFit. The best way to explain it would be to say that it is an exercise philosophy that focuses on full-body exercises and movements to improve overall functional fitness. I was interested in this philosophy and I did some research, but I just never went to the local affiliate. A few weeks ago, an amazing friend of mine visited her local CrossFit in FL and loved it. That helped me find the courage to visit my local affiliate. As of last night, I joined my local CrossFit, at least through the first 6 introductory sessions, where they explain the movements, exercises, lifts, etc. They also run you through a short workout during some of the sessions. I both hated it and loved it at the same time and I understand that a lot of other people feel that way, too. So, that's the physical part. I want to be a healthier person, capable of amazing physical feats, like a pull-up or 3. I want to be able to run a mile in a respectable time - and I'm not being greedy either - I'd be insanely happy with a 10-minute mile or a 31-minute 5k. I just want respectable, not over the top.
The spiritual part of my journey started a long time ago, as well, but it had been put on hold for any number of reasons. One of those reasons being that I just didn't feel like dealing with it, so I didn't. I question things. I do not have blind faith. I'm much more scientific in my thought process. I want proof. I have yet to find anything that proves what a majority of Americans believe, namely that there is a singular intelligent higher power. Just not buyin' it. And I make no apologies for my beliefs. What brings on this most recent spate of spiritual searching is a discussion that was had in a bar after a kickball game. There was a single gentleman there and we were talking with a group of people. I would have gladly gone on a date with him, at least up until a certain point. He spoke of how he accepted God into his heart and how he had people praying for him and his business turned around and things got better. And to be honest, I'm very happy for him that he has found a path that makes sense to him. He suggested that I go to his church sometime. I indicated that "I'm not a church person". We dug further into the recesses of my brain to determine what I do and don't believe and all I could really verbalize was that I do not believe in God, that I do not believe in an intelligent higher power. And which point he said "That doesn't make you a bad person" and I said "I know". I am very respectful of people's beliefs and while it's difficult for me, I try not to challenge those people's beliefs because it's not my place.
At this point if I were forced to pick a religion/philosophy to subscribe to, I would choose Buddhism. I have been to several Buddhist sanghas (meditation gatherings) and I truly enjoy meditation. I feel centered and calm. I feel that there is a universal life force of some sort. Part of what this journey will entail is me learning more about Buddhism and figuring out if those core beliefs are truly what feel right for me. I have done some research into the core principals of Buddhism, but I have much reading and research to do. Since Classical Buddhism is indeed atheistic, I would have to say, that deep down, I am an atheist. I believe in karma; I believe in fate (how that works, I'm sure I'll never know); I believe that things truly do happen for a reason, but not necessarily a reason that is pre-destined. I think things work out the way they should, not how some higher power planned them to work.
So, this is my two-fold journey. It's an interior and exterior remodel, if you will, a total rehab project. Let's just hope the house doesn't fall down in the process.
No comments:
Post a Comment